Photo by Dave Wilson Photography

“Look at me! Look at me! I’m over here! Come and join me.”

Is this you? Do you constantly push your blog to your followers? Do you constantly shout at others for attention to stand out above the crowd? Do you scream for affection, for affiliation, for an audience? You probably do. Most of the blogosphere does.

When blogging was first invented, it was used as a medium for every day Joe’s and Joanne’s to share their thoughts, their feelings, their news and their mews. Back then, it wasn’t a seven figure number trying to make a seven figure living. It was a select few, trying to earn nothing, but try new.

Now, though, blogging has developed from the Web log that it initially started as and coined its name from, and turned in to a multi-million dollar industry, full of ‘marketing experts’, ‘affiliate junkies’ and aspiring International authors. We find ourselves amongst a great universe of competition. A vast mist of self-promotion and egotism.

Are we writers, or are we marketers?

With competition comes an aspiration to stand out above the masses; to shout the loudest, to stand the tallest, to run the fastest. It’s this aspiration, fuelled by a dream of self employment, flexibility, stability, fame and fortune, that has created a large part of the blogosphere we see today.

Today, most bloggers have swapped their ideals of elegant writing and life logs, for a more measured and structured approach of marketing and analysing. It’s rare to stumble upon a blogger who considers his or her writing to be creative more than constructive, passionate more than poignant, open more than closed, and testing more than teaching. It’s rare to come across a blogger who still considers the writing and creative style flowing from their finger tips to be as important as the very topic they discuss, or a blogger who considers the prose to be more powerful than the next social media network at which they wish to deafen the crowd with news of their latest article. It’s rare to come across a blogger who refers to their writing as art, rather than article, as prose rather than post.

Find new readers without losing your voice

It’s time to move away from the shouting. To move away from the ego. To move away from the attitude of writing and then pushing people to read. As bloggers, we should be shunning the hard sale in favour of the soft sale. We should be focusing on the relationships we build with our current readers and forming relationships with new readers.

Shouting from the rooftops only makes you look desperate. Deafening your audience forces them away from your voice. And the few that don’t mind your disparity and are already sufficiently death from the shouting of everybody else in the blogosphere will sneak through to your latest post, but they won’t stay. They’re not loyal readers. They’re one-article-stands. They’re through the door and out the other side before you’ve had time to notice they were there. Sure, they’ll wear out your carpet as they walk through but they won’t clean up when they spill their coffee. They don’t care. They’re just one-article-stands, never to be seen again, until ten months down the line when your shouting brings them back to wear out your new carpet.

The cleaners, the chasers, the referrers, the friends

One-article-stands are fun when you’re young, but eventually we all have to settle down. To build something stable, something long-term, rewarding and profitable, we need to shun the one-article-stands and focus our energy on those that clean up their coffee, that chase us rather than making us chase them, that refer us to their network, and that become friends. We need to focus our energy on writing for those that are true, that are respected for their respect, that give more than they take, and those that listen as much as they speak.

Today, I’ll share my suggestions for building relationships with those who are as committed as you, as respectful and engaging as you and with those that naturally whisper your work to their audience. In my own little corner of the blogosphere, I’ve turned down the volume, both from within and from those around me. I’ve removed the rooftop shouting in favour of a quiet whisper and I’ve rejected the affiliates who write in favour of the writers who affiliate. Today I’ll show you how to do this too, to build a huge list of loyal readers, contributors and friends.

The Relationships that make your followers listen

Trust and authority are what entice followers to click your links. Trust and authority are what entice readers to subscribe, and trust and authority are what entice subscribers to share your work with others. But trust and authority can only be gained by building relationships.

Building relationships online has fortunately come second nature to me, but for many it is a difficult and often daunting task. Communicating online is entirely different to the real world. It’s much larger on many levels. Often, your network of ten friends in the real world is magnified to a network of thousands online via social media platforms such as Twitter and Google+. Suddenly, you find yourself thrust upon a moving plate of relationships and communications, struggling to find those who genuinely want to engage amongst those that just want to shout.

But not only do we have to struggle to see through the mass of polluted people in social networks to build new relationships, we have to find the time and method to maintain and strengthen existing relationships with our current subscribers. Blogging isn’t about getting a herd through the gate and in to the pen. It’s about getting a fine selection of readers in to your home, where you can massage their thoughts and push their opinions. It’s about building long-lasting, strong, two-way relationships with people who genuinely want to listen to your advice and opinion. Once they’re a number in your list of subscribers, they become more important, not less, than those on your Twitter feed. It’s easier to keep a customer than it is to find a new one, so don’t forget about them once they’re through the door. It’s your job as the host to ensure you maintain healthy relationships with them all. But just how do you form new and strengthen old relationships without shouting and driving them away?

Blog commenting

It sounds simple, but many bloggers both new and old forget the real reason behind commenting on blogs. Bloggers often make the mistake of assuming commenting on blogs is nothing but a traffic generator. Short term, sure, you will receive visitors. But what about the longer term impact of continuous commenting on a blog? Think about the comments you receive. Think about somebody who has commented on your blog recently. Was it their first comment, or do they comment on a regular basis? Chances are, the first commenter that comes to mind is somebody that has been active amongst your community for a while and comments on all or most of your posts. They come to mind first because they’ve established a relationship with you.

Commenting on blogs is a fantastic short term way of gaining visitors, but selecting a small portion of blogs to continuously target with comments over time is a far better way to gain visitors, respect, and build relationships long term.

Email Fellow Bloggers

Let’s face it, all of us are bloggers, and a lot of us blog in the same or similar niche. That makes us competitors. Or does it? In may seem counter-intuitive to start a blog in a niche where others are already established, but it’s far easier to market a blog in a niche that already has an audience and a base of writers. Unlike entering a new niche, you already have a list of blogs at which you can comment, you can guest write, and you can build relationships with, and chances are they already have an audience caught up in one social media circle ready for you to jump in to the mix.

So while we’re all after the same prize, it also pays for us to help each other. Building a blog in a crowded niche isn’t just about building relationships with readers. It’s about building relationships with other bloggers too, because it’s the other bloggers that will promote your work to their own readers and let you interact with their own audience.

With this in mind, it pays to help others. Be a generous blogger by emailing a fellow writer if you spot a broken link or image on their Web site. Email them if you read their work and enjoy it. If they inspire you, tell them. If you mention them in one of your own posts, tell them. The more you help others, the more they will help you, regardless of whether or not you’re both after the same prize.

Networking Events

Local and international blogger networking events happen throughout the year in pretty much most cities across the world. From BlogWorld to a local Tweetup, face to face meets are a fantastic way to form new relationships and find loyal readers. If somebody has met you face to face, they instantly have a larger relationship with you than anybody you may have met via Twitter, and it’s for that reason that those readers you’ve met offline tend to stay as readers for longer than those you meet online.

Speaking at networking events is an effective way to stand out above the crowd and take in-person networking a step further. You’ll often find that event organisers are struggling to find speakers, so even if you don’t have much experience, they’re likely to be willing to listen to your pitch. Capture your audience, and you’ll easily translate them in to readers.

Thank New Commentators

This is a simple technique I’ve used since my first days as a blogger. Remember to say thank you. When somebody comments on your blog for the first time, remember to thank them. I usually email them a personal response, and I try to stand out by offering them some further advice based on what they said in their comment. Sometimes I’ll refer them to another of my posts which may help them, or even refer them to another blog that may help them. Whatever I do, I try to help them beyond my post, because they went beyond reading my post by commenting, something only a small percentage of my and your readers will ever do.

I like to compare commentators to a single women. If she’s taken your number with a smile, she’s done so because she’s interested and wants to take things further. All you have to do is show her why she should. It’s the same with a new commentator on your blog. They’ve commented because they’re interested and like your work. It’s now your job to show them why they should subscribe. Standing out above the crowd to show them you care about the effort they just made to comment is a relatively effortless way to help convince them to become a subscriber.

It can be made even easier by using the ‘Thank Me Later‘ WordPress plugin, which automatically sends a thank you email to your commentators. I prefer the person touch of sending the email myself, but if you don’t have the time then this plugin may suffice.

Social media

I’ve put this last in the list because this is so often the most effective but also the one that is used in all the wrong ways. Social media, that is Twitter, Facebook and Google+ to name the top three, lend themselves to conversation, and it’s conversation that creates relationships. But it’s also conversation that can ruin relationships.

Social media tools let you find like minded people, they let you have group conversations, they allow you to select who you talk to and who you don’t, and they’re open 24 hours a day. Used well, they’re like the perfect networking event… without the formality. But, and here’s the big but… Like a lot of networking events, they still have idiots. The shouters. The noisy man in the centre of the room who is waving his arms. The one that is throwing business cards at people who didn’t ask for them. The one that thinks he knows more than anybody else and has nothing else to learn. Unfortunately, Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and every other social network out there are full of them. They translate from the real world arm waver and business card thrower in to the CAPS LOCK user who throws links to his latest blog posts every five minutes. They’re anything but a whisperer, and nothing less than a reader killer. I hate them, you hate them. Or you may even be one of them. Either way, they exist, and while they may be pulling in a lot of visitors to their blog posts, I can guarantee they’re not pulling in many commentators or many subscribers, and they’re probably losing more long term social networking followers than they are gaining. These people are great are finding short term coffee-spillers, but not so great at finding long term relationship builders.

But why do we want long term relationships?

It’s simple, and it comes down to the goal of 99% of bloggers. Long term relationships make you money. They feed your family. They pay your mortgage. They bring you an audience. And they build your authority amongst your niche. Long term readers become long term subscribers, who in turn become long term customers and advocates of your products.

Like I said earlier, it’s easier to keep old readers than it is to find new ones, and luckily for us, it’s easier to monetize your blog with old ones than it is with new ones.

Whisper and they’ll move closer

Most bloggers want to stand above the crowd. Most bloggers scream for attention, affection and affiliation. And that’s why most bloggers fail to develop successful blogs. And I say let them. Don’t join them. Screaming for attention isn’t the way to build your blog, because all you do is fall flat on your face in the middle of a sea of others doing the same. Whispering your way to affection and attention is the way to build long term, engaging and profitable readers. Whisper your way through Twitter, through Facebook, through commenting and engaging with others, because the more you whisper, the closer they will move to hear what you have to say.

If you liked this post, please share your affection by whispering this post to your Twitter followers and fellow bloggers, or write a comment below.

How often do you post links to your blog posts? Do you actively try to build upon your relationships with your current readers, or just focus on finding new readers? How often do you chat with your subscribers in other circles outside of your blog? Let us know in the comments below.

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